Difficult conversations

Another day at work, another difficult conversation. Luckily I only have 9 more days, so hopefully I will only have 9 more difficult conversations!! Potentially the only good that will come out of this is that I'll be much more nonchalant about approaching awkward/hard topics in a professional environment. Deep down though, I also hope that by being so open, and talking so much, I'm setting up things to give myself and others the best chance of moving on. And if I'm really lucky, maybe even the chance that something will be preserved.

I know I'm a bit of a sucker and being too open definitely has its drawbacks. Being too open is probably what got myself in my current predicament in the first place! But idk, refer to title of this blog.

For the longest time, I believed that as long as you're willing to be open, share a part of yourself and be honest, strong relationships with good people will naturally come. Of course, being so generous is hard and requires a lot of trust, but it is also one of the most noble things you can do as a friend.

But through a lot of tears and a lot of heartbreak I realised that not everyone feels the same way and that sometimes there are people that just aren't worth opening your heart to. There are people whose behaviours just suck and even though you know they're not doing it intentionally is it really always incumbent on you to show so much compassion and understanding when they've shown none?!

As a 28 year old this seems really late to learn a lesson like this, but even now the choice between being open and gracious and being protective and hardened is still a battle in my head.

I am also keenly aware of how laughably gendered my experience is! To think that I've fallen into the same trap that most women probably have at some point in their lives - where they have to post-rationalise a man's shitty behaviour as a poor execution of good intentions. Honestly. Why. Can't. People. Just. Be. Better.