Free spirit

Before I left, I asked my manager to collate some written feedback for me. Here's one of the things my colleagues said:

Alice is talented, dedicated, hard-working and genuinely cares about the work she is doing and the people she is working with. Sometimes this way of working means that she can take longer than others to complete a task, but it means that when she is done with a task, it is completed to the highest level of quality and there is no need to redo or check her work.

Which is a really nice thing to say! It's true, sometimes I am slow. But then I think back to my last three weeks at work where I spent most of my desk-time (when not catching up with people) trying to fix something that someone else had coded sloppily several months ago. And I think to myself "yeah my way might actually save time".

In a similar way, I feel like I am taking my time to get over feeling betrayed. I know I'm not always the most fun to be around right now and sometimes I wish the world could just pause for a second and let me lie in bed with my thoughts. But I want to move on from this as a whole person - and not have to lose or suppress part of myself in the process - because when I'm done there'll be no need to revisit this again. So I reflect on everything - all the hurt, all the lies, all the kinder memories too.

Brendan wrote me a valentine's card (which I completely didn't expect when I woke up and saw it on the bedside table). It wasn't so much a valentine as a "don't worry, all things come to an end" + "I'll always be there for you" + "I'm so excited for this new chapter in your life!" greeting. But it moved me so much, which is why I started my last day of work crying but not exactly sad tears.

Having said all that mopey stuff above, I think things are finally starting to look up. The thought of not having to go to work again, not having to work with someone who I don't trust (or see them ever!!), and only being required to attend (paid) tutor training tomorrow from 10:30-3pm with a free lunch, feels SO GOOD! Makes me feel so freeeeeeeee!

I hadn't realised how heavy the last 6 weeks of work had weighed on me, it was almost like purgatory because it didn't allow me to move on, and it forced me to come into contact with the person everyday and to even give them (us?) chances to address what had happened (only to be disappointed or even freshly wounded again and again).

Mum is also back and out of self-imposed corona virus isolation! It is so good to have her back!! Last time I saw her was before all this shitty stuff happened. Also we finally settled the bridesmaid dresses for Wensi's wedding, and I got a new laptop! (And am preparing to trade-in my old one). The Apple salesperson addressed me like he was Siri - I almost laughed but then got stuck in an awkward conversation like the ones you have with Siri when you're bored but with a Real Life Person! And Brendan had abandoned me to look at other Apple merch though I don't know why because he bags Apple out so much.

And also I am excited for Emma!