Firsts and lasts

My last day at work today! I actually got really teary - I had breakfast with my first real manager here, and got a bit teary when I said goodbye to her, even though I knew I'd see her an hour later at my farewell morning tea.

There was a HUGE spread at my morning tea - I think everyone in my team actually brought something which is an amazing effort. My farewell gift was a Gryffindor scarf and beanie, and my manager read a very long speech with a lot of praise, and I didn't know how to stand or what to do with my face because I felt very conscious that everyone was looking at me.

One of my friends actually brought in pandan chiffon cake (on my request!), there were also FRESHLY baked cookies straight from the office oven (I missed out on these because I was too slow after feeling so full from breakfast). There was a Harry Potter cake as well. I thanked everyone in my team, and my voice actually broke when I thanked my first manager who has remained a friend and mentor since.

I got so many lovely messages and so many people came to say goodbye to me - I was really touched. So that was my last day.

It was also the first time I actively decided to cut someone out of my life, with the understanding that it will be forever. Though I did the courtesy of telling him I was going to do it and why. I don't give up easily on the people that I care for, but after being hurt again and again by a heartless, thoughtless person (intentional or not) - who then told me that the burden would probably be on me if I ever wanted to rekindle any kind of friendship because he's not good at that sort of thing and needs to figure out his life - I have too much self-respect and dignity to allow myself to be treated like I'm nothing again. He also doesn't deserve it - though I know this is harsh because he's probably going through a difficult time as well.

While I want to continue having faith in people, I know that if I did it for this person there's a huge risk that we rekindle a friendship on unequal terms - one where I think he's inferior. That kind of friendship is not worth having.