Midsem OVER

Hi everyone! I just scanned and submitted my 2hr take-home mid-semester exam. Been oddly stressed about this one - probably because I don't understand much about nothing. Nawwww, it wasn't mighty successful but I actually think I did alright.

I started reading The Professor by Charlotte Bronte. Four chapters in and I already see all the hallmarks of a Bronte story namely lots of loneliness, being an outsider/finding oneself in a foreign place, not loved by anyone/no family, yet an abiding sense of pride and self-respect that no outside circumstance can corrupt.

I really love Charlotte Bronte's writing and I love the themes she explores. However, her life was really bleak and it really comes out in her novels. The first time I read Villette, it was the school holidays before year 12 (I think), and it made me so down and depressed because Lucy Snowe is an incredibly lonely figure. BUT it's the strength of her character despite this loneliness, and her ability to love despite not being loved, that really inspires me.

Oh lol I just had two friends messaging me about my mid-semester (so kind you remembered!!) - I must go on and on about my assessments more than I realise, sorry.

I also started watching Outlander - I don't know why, there's a part of me that will watch anything as long as it's in costume. From what I can tell, it's not that great - I'm not even sure if I care that much about the love story. I also started watching season 2 of Kingdom - a period Korean zombie drama which is also very out of character for me (except for the period part).

I'm also reading the following books (I used to be a book-monogamist i.e. one at a time) but now I've gone full open-relationship (life's too short to struggle with a book whose vibes you ain't feeling at the moment right?):

• Strange Planet by Nathan Pyle (this is a comic book about Beings who live very similar lives to us but are more wordy).
• How to be a High School Superstar (in case I travel back in time to my high school days and need to be Cool. Just kidding. It's actually a book about how to calm down and still be a high achiever - hint: it involves finding your passions and excelling by doing what you love - I picked it up from Book Grocer a while ago because the author is very sassy and therefore entertaining).
• Mansfield Park. I was going through my bookshelves last night (study procrastination) and started to read the introduction to this. I always felt bad for Fanny because she's so good and arguably ends up with the crummiest bachelor (by the standard of other Austen heroes). The introduction goes on about how the marriage decisions of Fanny's mum and her aunties - to different men of varying wealth - embeds their offspring in different social classes and Fanny is brought to the Bertrams to be raised as a gentlewoman but not truly as a member of the family. Strongly reminded me of Amy's monologue about marriage being an economic proposition in Little Women. I used to dismiss Fanny because she doesn't really go through as much growth as Austen's other heroines, but I'm starting to think that this book is more sophisticated than I thought. Fanny goes back to her parents' home only to find that she can't identify with the squalor and I'm not sure if any of Austen's other heroines are put through something as awkward(?) and tricky(?) as realising that you don't identify with your parents.
• An Astronauts Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield - this is a very life-affirming read and probably a good antidote to Bronte bleakness!
• Anne of Green Gables - I think I started reading this before I even moved out from my parents (too bad I was still too old when I started).
• Electra and Other Plays by Euripides. The only reason I have this book is because it probably cost me $2 from a warehouse sale. I started reading Andromache and I'm not sure if I'll ever finish (don't really read plays) but there are four of his plays that at least notionally deal with the lives of women in ancient Greece - so maybe???

In other news, I hung up some fairy lights in my room because mum had a whole stash of them and because why not. And now my room looks like every basic college dorm room/instagram influencer's bedroom lol. But it's still very pretty and I like looking at them before I sleep.

Been feeling a bit better about myself in general these past two days or so. I've spoken to a lot of people about my woes and I'm so - I don't know - relieved? heartened? that no one judged me or what I went through. At first I thought I was getting advice, though I don't know if I was also trying to find confirmation. In the end, it really is your own forgiveness that matters the most and no one can really give that to you.